escape to the unknown

Blaming and judging. That's the things what people are doing lately. Especially that two points affect me that much. I am a free soul, just like the others. People see, listen, and talk based on their opinion. Then they are blaming or judging someone else. We are a human being. We make mistakes and learn from the mistakes itself.

I also make a mistake. Many mistakes.

I am also a human being. It means that I have a feeling. I could feel happy, sad or even worst, get hurt.

I once judged or blamed someone. I blame someone because my expectation about it is too high. Then as a result, I am disappointed.

Do you think when someone is disappointed by the others, it because of their expectations are too high or it is caused by the person itself?

You know, I wonder why people are so selfish lately. Their choices always depend on me.

But when it comes to a mistake, I mean when I made a little mistake, they blame me directly.

It is a sad thing when the people that you love, blame and judge you easily.

It is a sad thing when the people that you love the most became the people that you don’t want to see anymore.

It is a sad thing when you know you haven’t got any friends to share or you trust the most.

It is a sad thing when you know how stressed and depressed you are with the problem

It is a sad thing when you know you are totally in the lowest part of your life but you don’t know how to cheer yourself up.

It is a sad thing to write a kind of this post. Like seriously.

The problems make me want to leave the city. This country. My home.

I always wonder how does it feel to be a nomad. I want to be a traveler. I want to live.

I want to run away and live in the other village/city/country. But I don’t want to stay in a place more than six months. In my opinion, the longer you stay, you will get more various feelings. You will not be able to leave or to explore more.

So I think it is a pleasure for me to go to the other side. To find my happiness.

Life is not a game. It is a journey. A journey to find happiness until we all die someday.

Love,

Fay

Cheers for a year ahead!

So how was your New Year's Eve, loves?

mine was so great. it was one of the best night in my life. spending NYE with good people and really had a good time.

have you written your resolutions for 2013 yet?

I haven't. I don't really like write what I want to do just like resolutions. but I have my bucket list.

which it's sooo long, but I'll share to you just a little. yes, a little.

okay, so here we go:

1. I want to go to Ireland or Greece

2. I want to jump off of the cliff and swim naked in the lake.

3. I want to eat burrito in Mexico.

4. go to my favorite bands/singer's concert

5. do Bungee Jumping

6. learn another language besides English and (of course) Indonesian.

7. watch an opera (just like in the Chasing Liberty movie)

8. Dancing at the street at 1 pm (have you watched the Notebook anyway?)

9. Have a man to kiss at midnight on New Year's Eve (ehehe)

all of them just a little part of my bucket list. there are 20 number in my bucket list, anyway. and the rest of them, I'll tell to a person that I trust very much.

In case (whoever you are who read this post) have a resolution for 2013 or maybe the bucket list, share with me! it'd be fun. and I hope it will be come true someday.

my wish for this year is, I hope I could find my passion again.

oh well, here's the photos during NYE last monday at Casa Kemang.

Happy New Year!

Love,

Fay

the last time I took photographs

Back to the time when I had my first project. It was Young Blood, based on The Naked and Famous’ song. Then in this year I did 2 projects as well, it was The Hunter and Early Summer.

It was nice. although I still have to practice more.

and this year, I joined some collaboration with some photographers around the world. Included Dylan Sada’s NRCSM PROJECT. I’m so happy when I got a message from her.

Those things are the best things so far in 2012.

Unfortunately, I’m no longer taking photographs anymore since last July. Like in the previous post, you know what I feel right now. Life moves pretty fast and I get more confuse with people or things around me. Kinda depression? Oh no. I hate that word.

Some friends of mine asked me what about my collaboration projects? To tell you the truth, the project has been canceled. I’m so sorry about that. If the project still goes on, I’m sure I will print those photos on book and it will be release next year.

They also asked me why am I stop taking photographs. You know how the feeling when you get stuck? When you don’t know how take a good photo anymore? That’s what I feel right now.

On the other hand, I also need vacation. The kind of vacation that I will not bring my phone or as I can say, get lost.

The last time I did photo shoot, I felt happy and people around me were so nice, no need to feel sorry or get hurt.

But now, things change. I’m far away from the definition of ‘home’. I need to get back to the way I used to. Still find that way though.

And last night, I met some old friends. Had a good conversation also brings back those sweet memories. I miss them. I miss the old times. So yes, I miss the old me. The one who have a passion to keep me alive.

I used to believe in the future, I’m going to be something that I’ve been dreaming of. Having fun with good people, traveling around the world (especially go to Ireland and Greece) and I’m still taking photographs at the old age.

I’ve been listening good songs that really can make me happy, to keep my imagination alive and believe in something.

Then this morning, I woke up earlier. I know that I could have sleep again instead of blogging as I know that last night I slept at 3 am.

But something inside of me wanted to do something. I pray. Yes I pray.

Have a passion is really good for your life because at least you have something to believe in, to keep you alive. And I know I should find ‘that’ soon. Find the old me, passion, love, or maybe get back to the way I used to be.

This is the hardest time so far which I can’t share this to my family or friends. Its like it’s me that know how to deal with it. How to get over it.

I’m going to find it start from now.

the last photos I took a couple days ago

Love,

Fay